5 Things Your Husband Wants You to Know

Top things Husbands wish their wives knew

 

My husband and I dated for 4 ½ years before we walked down the aisle. So basically, we thought we had each other pretty well figured out. And this marriage thing? We’d obviously have it down pat. Then, one rainy afternoon in May we said ‘I Do,’ and we realized how little we actually knew about each other. No, there were no deep dark secrets or crazy skeletons hiding in our closets, sorry to disappoint. But the little thing that we discovered on a whole new level once we were married…

 

We are different.

Shock. Gasp.

 

We were raised differently. He grew up with all boys and non-stop ESPN (ie my Mother-in-law is a saint) and I grew up with all girls, lots of shopping and a constant stream of Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals. (ie my Father is a saint)

 

 

The first few months into our marriage, we did our best to love each other and to play house, but we didn’t know what the heck we were doing. Some of our ‘serious disagreements’ are hysterical to look back on now. I mean, did you know that there is a right and a wrong way to fold towels? Chris didn’t either. Poor man, because one random Thursday his wife deemed it a necessary hill to die on.

 

Over the years we’ve learned a lot. We put to bed some of our ridiculousness. We learned how to humble ourselves and We started educating ourselves about the opposite sex. The results? Staggering, you ready for this?…We got better 😉 We became better spouses, better at understanding each others wiring and better at extending grace. Perfect? Not on your life. Not until pigs fly and they actually invent a cellulite cream that works. But determined to keep improving at how we love each other? You better believe it.

 

We’ve read a lot, listened to a lot, and even created our own relationship resource in the process called, “The Pursuit of Love.” You can check that out here.

 

Today friend, I’m bringing you a little collaboration. That’s right, I brought in the big guns 😉 because I knew you’d benefit from a man’s perspective. So all my ladies in the house, straight from my man himself, here are 5 things your husband wants you to know:

 

 

1. He Wants to be Your Hero

 

When you and your husband were first dating you had a huge level of respect for him.  You couldn’t help but look at him with that twinkle in your eye because you believed in him so much!  You knew he could do anything he put his mind to.  Truth be told, you believed in him more than he believed in himself. Your confidence in him empowered him to be things he never thought that he could be and do things he never thought he could do.

 

 Then you married him.

 

And over time you may have lost some of that belief because you’ve seen his flaws.  It’s much easier to nag him into doing things now instead of believing that he’s still your superman.  BUT, if you start believing in him again and looking at him like a superhero, watch out-he might actually become one.

 

What your husband wishes he could tell you

 

2. He Wants to be Respected

 

A man can spend his whole day at work “putting out fires,” fixing problems and solving issues.  Some men go to work everyday and what they’re doing is literally changing the world.  At work, they’re admired and at work, they’re respected.  Then many times they walk in the door of their home and are treated like morons.

 

 I get it, wives work really hard all day long; running their homes and many times outside jobs in an exceptionally organized manor.  And because you work so hard and perhaps he doesn’t do as much around the house, you may feel the right to treat him like an idiot.  Your frustration can cause you to make fun of him both in private and in public. And that lack of respect only pushes your husband further and further away.

 

 Ladies, If you want that husband of yours to crave spending time with you, if you want to be swept off your feet again and treated like the princess that you are, then stop beating him down with disrespect.  Treat him with admiration; take care of his needs before your own, go out of your way to do little things for him. Pack him lunch; take care of him.  When he walks through the door, let him rest and catch his breath for a minute before you throw the kids and a whole list of things to do at him.  

 

If you make your home a safe haven of love and respect, then he will not only be excited to come home and spend time with you and the family, but he will have the strength to treat you the way you’re longing to be treated.

 

 

How to show respect to your husband

 

 

 

3. He Wants to Have Fun with You

 

Most married couples stop having fun together at some point and just start “putting the time in” together.  Guys will take their wives shopping, or do other things they know their wives enjoy in an effort to make them happy.  Men can easily fall into the trap of having fun with other guys and just “putting the time in” with their wives.  The truth is most guys want to have fun with their wives.  They want to do fun things together!  They want to laugh with you until their stomach hurts and they want to get really excited about spending time with you.  Because opposites attract more often than not, many husbands and wives are not into the same things. Yet, it is still really important to have fun hobbies you both look forward to together.

 

Mine and my wife’s interests couldn’t be more opposite.  She loves shopping and musicals and vegetables and I like golf and football and chicken wings.  We honestly have to work really hard to find things that we have fun doing together.  But over the years, we’ve at least found a few. 😉

 

For us, it’s exploring new downtown areas, finding restaurants that are unique with a different atmosphere, touring model homes and watching movies together.

I suggest sitting down and planning some dates out together.  Ask each other, “What do you have the most fun doing in life? What do you really look forward to and enjoy and how can we do more fun things together?”

 

What your Husband wishes he could tell you

 

4. He Wants You to Want Him

Just like women can feel like guys are “just putting the time in” on dates, guys can feel like women are “just putting the time in” when it comes to sex.  Ladies, you know how you can go out on a date with your man and still not feel connected to him? It seems like his mind was a million miles away. In that same way, guys feel like your mind can be a million miles away during sex.  Most guys, they’re not interested in just having sex, they’re interested in sexual fulfillment.

 

 There is a big difference.

 

Sexual fulfillment happens when men feel wanted sexually by their wife.  Men want to feel like they are satisfying their wife in this area. They want you to look forward to sex, and know that you’re engaged and enjoying the experience as much as they are.  When a man feels like your mind is a million miles away and you’re not interested in sex, over time he will become defeated, disinterested and stop pursuing you in other areas of romance.  That’s a very dangerous road to go down.

Ladies, we know you have so much on your mind, but we need you to make an effort. Do what you can to make your man feel like you want him in the bedroom.  It’s vital that we feel loved and desired by you in this way.

 

He wants you to want Him-NoSmallLife

 

5. He Wants You to know You’re His Top Priority

 

Guys are not that best at loving their wives in the way that their wives need to be loved.  That’s not an excuse it’s just true.  I feel like my wife loves me so much better than I love her.  But that motivates me to get better.  We want you to know that our wives and family are our top priority.  We’re constantly thinking about you and trying to be better for you. The problem is, we don’t always say it.

 A lot of times we’ll show it by doing things for you and for the family.  I know that’s not what women need, but I do believe that it is important for women to encourage their husbands when they see them making an effort to do something nice, or to be romantic.

 

 If a guy puts forth the effort, but you reject it or point out the flaw in it, eventually he will stop trying because he will think he can’t win.  Men are wired so differently than women, but the truth is: they want to provide for you, they want to give you security, they want to be the leader and hero of the family and they want you to admire them.  They are thinking of ways to love you but don’t always do the best job at communicating it.

 I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at my wife from across a room and said, “Man, that girl is beautiful!” but that thought doesn’t make its way to my lips and I never communicate it to her.  There are so many times that I see my wife doing something that I am so impressed with and I think the world of her, but I never verbalize it and she may never know that I think it.  Not making excuses, just being honest.

 

So please know, even when he doesn’t communicate it, he is usually thinking about you.  And If he does say something to you, make a big deal about him verbalizing what he is thinking.  We like admiration. See #1 & #2 😉

 

Priorites in Marriage

 

In short, In the majority of healthy marriages, your husband wants you to know that you’re loved with all of their heart.  When they look at you, they still see that girl they fell in love with.

 

It is not too late to rediscover love and passion in your marriage!  They great thing is, you can take steps towards each other beginning right now.

Until next time,

Chris… & Meg 🙂

 

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Comments

  1. Loved reading this, thank you for sharing.

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  2. Marlene Olsen says:

    That was one of the best “Words” coming out of your articles. Great job!

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  3. All About the Child says:

    Never thought about this before but so many points here hit home. Thanks to you and your husband for bringing it to the forefront. It’s good to get out of the every day and gain perspective. Going to put your suggestions to work!

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  4. Good wisdom- great advice!! Your proud Mama

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  5. These are five wonderful things to remind wives about. I feel every one of them will only enhance a marriage if a wife pays attention to your advice.

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  6. I love this! I am certainly not a marriage expert, but I hate hearing women speak poorly of their husbands to other women. It feels like, at a basic level, part of a wife’s role should be to build her husband up to other people, not tear him down. If not for his benefit, also to avoid everyone thinking that you are an idiot for marrying someone who you can’t find any good in.

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  7. Aww, I love this! What a great reminder. Thanks for giving me some ideas of areas to work on.

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  8. elizabeth959803 says:

    Great list…seriously. I have ESPN-guy to my Rogers & Hammerstein self, too! 🙂 Love this. Pinning to remember and revisit. Stopping by from Faith & Fellowship.

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  9. Very good advice…………full of wisdom and truth……….
    Those differences in males and females are the cause of lots of issues…….because our culture
    tells us we are just a like……….God had other plans………..and think he wants us to, like you say,
    study up on the differences in Men and Women, and oh, what a difference that makes.
    Thanks for these words of wisdom.
    blessings, Nelie

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I love this post! We have been married almost 20 years. I look back on those early years and there was so much to figure out. I think there was a big shift about 5 or 6 years into it when we stopped focusing on getting our own needs met and started caring about how we could meet each other’s needs. Anyway, your post is great advice and a good reminder for me even now. –Jennifer

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    • I’m so glad you liked it Jennifer! 5/6 years sounds just about right when all the selfishness starts wearing off, I can relate! And 20 yrs! Congratulations, that’s an accomplishment!

      Like

  11. Healing Mama says:

    I’d say this is really good list! I couldn’t agree more! I’m sharing this!

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  12. Ahhhh the intro was very funny, and then such great advice too! 🙂 If you felt like it, I would love to have you come by and link up at Friday Frivolity, the blog party I host each weekend… it’s live now!

    Found you via Friday Flash Blog

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  13. As a single woman, the level of disrespect I see from married women towards their husbands makes me extremely sad. I think it’s GROSS. This paragraph really resonated with me. I sure wish more wives did this: “If you make your home a safe haven of love and respect, then he will not only be excited to come home and spend time with you and the family, but he will have the strength to treat you the way you’re longing to be treated.”

    Like

  14. Oh my goodness, I love this! My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half now, and these are all spot on! It takes work to make a marriage work, but it really helps when you choose to respect your husband and support him in the ways he needs. Thanks for the encouragement!

    Like

  15. Great post – as almost “old school” as all of this advice can sound, it is 100% true. Ultimately to make a relationship work each person has to put the other first, and that’s the underlying theme of this whole post. Great job and thanks for linking up at Happiness is Homemade!

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  16. I love this so much- it is all so very true! Thanks for the encouragement and great reminders.

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  17. Five very important things for us to remember. – Margy

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  18. Amazing advice. You absolutely nailed it. Thank you thank you – I needed some reminders.

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  19. What a great post Megan!! I loved it ! I think we all needed to know that!! Thanks for sharing on My 2 Favorite things on Thursday!! Hope to see you again this week! Pinned!

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  20. Megan, this was so eye-opening for me and for others too, I’m sure. These are five truthful reminders about what happens after the happily ever after in a marriage–with living together, with having a family, etc… It’s work to keep a healthy husband and wife relationship. It’s not rainbows and sunshine all the time–it takes adjustment, mistakes and tons of understanding to make it work, but if it’s worth it–we learn from it and we love each other even more.

    I’m so glad I found you on Totally Terrific Tuesday! Thank you and your husband for sharing such a beautiful post.

    Like

  21. This is definitely great advice…quite a few of these I needed to hear today! Thanks for sharing this at the Welcome Home Wednesday Link party! We hope to see you again this Wednesday!
    –Brittany

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  22. What a sweet post! I think sometimes we get so busy with kids and life in general that we have to remember not to take each other for granted! Thanks so much for sharing at Share The Wealth Sunday!
    xoxo
    Lisa

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  23. This was a good reminder. The male and female brains work so differently. Thanks for sharing.

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  24. What a great post! My husband just walked out the door exhausted. It’s already been a long morning because it’s already been a longer week. You’ve inspired me to send him a note thanking him for being my hero. Following you too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Great Article! I loved reading this! Thanks for sharing at the #HomeMattersParty!

    Like

  26. Thank you so much for sharing these points. Very interesting. I’ll ponder upon them.
    I often think of my marriage as an amazing and real (which includes downs too) adventure. How I treat my husband is one of the most important areas in my life. It is worth every effort to rejoice him!

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  27. These are fantastic! Such great advice! I know the right way to fold towels, trying to teach my son that lesson for his future wife…and more. 😉
    Thanks for sharing this at Welcome Home Wednesdays!

    Like

  28. This is such a great article and very inspiring, thanks for sharing!

    Like

  29. Thank you for sharing this! I think this is true of all men. They may not say it but these all apply. Thanks for linking up with us over at the Welcome Home Wednesdays Link Party!

    Liked by 1 person

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